STANDING UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

My friend's daughter, L, recently ran into a problem with a bully in her school. L is a quiet, unassuming sort of child, a bit introverted, sweet, loving and especially artistic and creative. My friend was expressing concern that this bullying by this other child was going to take away from her daughter L's sweet disposition. I tried to express to her that it might hurt her right now but in the long run it may be the best thing that has happened to this little 12 year old girl.

Bullies. Through out your life you encounter people, people who seem self assured, who seem to be "on top of the world", people who use their power over others, to command them, for their own amusement, their own pathetic needs. I've seen this, a time or two in my life. I encountered a bullying situation back in 7th grade, running up against the "cool" kids at my new school because I was different. I wasn't of their nationality, I was Polish, very Polish in fact, my parents emigrating here to America RIGHT before I was born. This school was primarily of another Nationality, and although it seem unfathomable that such things still happen, I was sort of ostracized for NOT being like them, for being different. Much like L is right now.

Having gone through a similar bullying experience, I feel the need to really think about this time in my life, this time in my life that really, truly has affected my world view. It not only has affected my view but truly has affected me. I see this bullying go on, in INTERNET forums no less--recently in my life. In a professional forum dedicated to a creative process. It breaks my heart to see this. Women, no less, should rally around each other, be supportive, not knock each other down. Part of the reason I would love to leave the field I am in for my "day job" is the stupid politics that happens behind the scenes, the stuff that spiritually SAPS the life out of you. I was hoping that being on my own, doing my creative thing, surrounding myself with creative types with a "vision" would be beneficial. But the bullying continues, sadly, in horrible ways.

So what sort of advice to offer up a 12 year old, one who is just beginning to see the ugliness in other people? I wish I could shield this kind hearted, loving child from this. I've seen her grow up and I've seen her through so many phases and I wish that we could wrap bubble wrap around her and protect her from the big bad world, from other people and their own shortcomings and their need to tear others down in order to feel more powerful, more in control. People with self esteem issues, need for public support to fill up their empty hearts and lives. People who should have better things to do than spew self propaganda everybody's way...the bad things people do to one another to hurt each other. How do you protect a little girl from the big bad world?

The answer: you don't. You just make sure you love her, protect her by giving her the coping skills to deal with the nonsense that others throw at you. Only you can empower you. Only you have the power to make it "not matter". As for L and her mom, her mom told her much of the same. Her mom understands these things because her mom knows the same. Stand up for what you believe in, stand up to yourself when self doubt creeps in. Take a stand for yourself by not letting it matter. For a 12 year old, not so easy. It's not even so easy when you're 35 years old. But you have to believe, you have to remember these things.